The Stoned Chrysalis

mutual masturbation

Why you should get freaky with yourself and your partner. Mutual Masturbation

Aimee Vincent

Masturbation has a lot of health benefits; it releases dopamine & oxytocin (the natural, happy vibes), decreases stress, can alleviate headaches, relieve menstrual cramps. Masturbation is paramount in our ability to experience pleasure & feel comfortable in our bodies, it can help us sleep better, keep our bodies sexually activated even if we’re not having sex for long periods of time —- yet despite all this rad shit, female self pleasure can still be a taboo subject, even in our most intimate relationships.

Masturbating with a partner or mutual masturbation has tonnes of good outcomes. It can be extremely bonding as it lowers inhibitions and can promote more open commuication. For those of us who have been in long term relationships before we know how important it is to keep the spice alive, experiencing pleasure together is super important and sometimes (especially at the end of a long day) sex can seem like too much work — but usually an orgasm & some intimacy is exactly what we need --- mutual masturbation can be a way to still raise those endorphins, bond with our partners & stay sexually activated as a couple during periods in which we may not be up for actual sex.  MM is extremely intimate as it shows our partners how we pleasure ourselves when they’re not around, we may even still carry some shame surrounding self pleasure (usually left over from child hood) so MM is a great way to dismantle that while being supported by a partner. It’s an opportunity to show our partners what we like in a fun context, self pleasuring together is a super sexy way to educate each other on exactly how we like to be touched. It’s been proven that men and women take the same amount of time to orgasm when masturbating yet hetero women take longer (or often never cum) during penetrative sex alone, so during MM we are educating our partners on what we actually like & how we get to the end zone while also smashing out a quickie. It’s win/win.

Mutual masturbation can help to dismantle our judgement and fear around masturbating in general, it’s an opportunity to talk about our fantasies, what we like, what we want to try, the kind of touch we enjoy. It’s an opportunity to really connect as a couple but also as two individual people experiencing something solo, together.

It’s the perfect time to practice making eye contact while experiencing pleasure and viewing each other from different perspectives  We can use MM as a way to practice vocalisation during pleasure as we talk to our partners eg. “I’m going to cum soon” and then trying to orgasm simultaneously. This practice can then be carried into actual intercourse (simultaneous orgasms are the fucking bomb)  It’s an opportunity to allow ourselves to be vulnerable while actually being in total control of the situation and holding space for ourselves & our partner Using toys is another fun element and can be super bonding —- especially when double penetration becomes a thing, but that’s a whole other post 🏽